RELATIONSHIPS

As I approach my 50-year wedding anniversary,

I imagine someone coming up to me and asking,” So what is your secret to having a marriage that has lasted for Fifty years?”

My response is the same as for keeping any long-term relationship.  My answer is to use the initials NPR.

 

N IS FOR BE NICE.

Why do we think that we can treat the ones who are the dearest to us so dreadfully.  Sure, we all feel grumpy and tired and unwell at times.  But that is no excuse for taking it out on the people we love the most.

P IS FOR PAUSE .

When in the middle of an argument or heated debate, JUST STOP 🛑

Take a breath and close your mouth.  Leave the room if necessary.  Don’t try to work out any problem when you are upset or reactive. Use your tools* to turn on the thinking part of your brain, by getting out of fight, flight or freeze mentality.*

Come back to the problem when you are in a calm and more loving and understanding state of mind.

R IS FOR REMEMBER LOVE.

We are all imperfect beings, doing the best that we can.  We are all here to learn and grow, often from each other.   Our life partners have been through so many things with us that no one else can ever understand. 

Try to give them a break, walk a little in their shoes, and realize that most bad behavior is based on fear.  What might they be experiencing to be acting this way?

Remember the many times you felt that love toward them .  Remember the things that you always loved about them. Remember what attracted you to them in the first place. Forgive.

 

*Note: for tools on how to get out of fight , flight or freeze mentality, see chapters 3 and 4 of my book:

“Empath is not a Four- letter word”

or visit my website:

Sandywesterman.com

where I am building a video library.